I’ve been on a soul searching mission. This year has been one of the most difficult years of my life; I’m sure a lot of you can relate to this one. A few months ago the world that felt so safe and solid got taken from me. The person I trusted more than anything clearly had another plan, one that did not include our home, or myself. It was a massive hit to my heart. When you’ve shared your life with someone for a long period of time, it’s hard to imagine life moving on without them. What I found to be more troubling is I had forgotten who I was, without him.
And so, over these past few months i’ve been on a personal journey of finding “me" again. I made a promise to myself that I would continue to do all the things we loved doing together. I would revisit my goals and hobbies that he tossed aside because he didn’t see the point. I would get rid of anything or anyone that was toxic in my life. Nothing looks the same as it once did, which is slightly terrifying but exhilarating at the same time. If I'm going to start fresh, its going to be on all fronts.
And you know what? I am so proud of myself and all the things I’ve managed to accomplish in this short amount of time. I’m starting to remember who I was before him, and I realized something very important….I really missed her. I missed me.
I’m not going to lie and say this has been easy. There are still days my heart aches so much and my stomach goes into knots. Some days breathing is a laborous chore. But looking on the flip side, I am now free. I no longer have to put all my effort into making someone happy when the same wasn’t done for me. I no longer have to hear things that made me feel so small and useless. I can simply just be….me.
I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. One day when I look back on this, I hope it will make sense. For now, I am taking it day by day, step by step. I am working on rebuilding what he broke and I will learn from these mistakes. For now, all I can do is breathe, smile, and carry on to the next adventure.
Xx Katt